Livin' on dreams and spaghetti-o's, wonderin' where my life is gonna go

There are certain moods that surface in one's self late at night. For me, there tend to be three different moods: whiny and sleepy, giddy and hyper, or pensive and melancholy. Tonight is a pensive and melancholy one.

My mother recently told me that my life is going nowhere. Although this was a desperate plea to convince me to move back home, the accusation still sticks with me. Where is my life going? I am only 22, and it's okay to still be figuring that out right? Do people ever really know where life is going? Because no one can ever see the curves and potholes life contains, I guess I've always figured it's better to wander aimlessly with only a skeleton of a plan. Now I'm rethinking that thesis, wondering if I should have a game plan for life, complete with alternate routes and secondary and tertiary plans.

One of my friends told everyone her post-college plans were teaching in a school back home. The teaching job was no more than a possibility, but it provided an answer for alllll those people who asked where her life was going. It's tempting to do that, and that's basically what I've been doing. It gives me a small sense of control to say that I have a "plan."

No one takes a college graduate seriously who claims to have no direction in her life save wherever God sees fit to send her. And for that reason, I persist in making up the answer to those goal questions on applications. I continue to bullshit people whenever they ask what's next in my life. I pick one of my "options" and run with it. Remember, perception is reality.