After a While

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

--Veronica A. Shoffstall

Serenity Place

I have recently begun volunteering at Serenity Place, a sort of halfway house for women with substance abuse problems. Sixteen women live together in this house. When they have therapy sessions, half of them go to therapy, and the other half stay and watch the children (around 35 kids, all under the age of 5). With a ratio of toddlers to women at 4:1, it's obvious that they could use some help. When I first signed up, I thought that I would be babysitting little brats. What actually ends up happening is that the kids entertain themselves, and the women just want someone to talk to. Most of them are there for a duration of six months, and they do not meet a lot of people from the "real" world.

As lame as this may sound, part of me can identify with these women. Bob Jones is kind of similar in that is forces a lifestyle on its students that is not their own. But truthfully, most of me doesn't identify with these women, although most of them are the same age as me or within a few years. Tonight one of them said, "I could be like you, if I wanted. I could have a career. But I made bad decisions. I knew what I was doing, but I did it anyway."

The same woman said that when she took her baby to the doctor today she gave the receptionist her address (at Serenity Place), and the receptionist changed her attitude, saying, "Oh, I know that address." It's amazing how we take a tiny bit of pride in others' mistakes, thinking that at least our problems aren't "that bad". We're pathetic.

All that to say that Serenity Place really is playing a part in changing and shaping me, and I'm thankful.

Pacifist

I don't care about you
Or your red balloon
But something in your eyes
Wistful, longing
Makes me pretend
For a moment
That I still do